so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
