if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
