I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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