If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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