If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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