I'm really into asian looking animals
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
