Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Floor bacon is actually really good
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize