Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
