I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
