In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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