Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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