is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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