Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
