i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
