She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
