Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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