chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is my gift to your gina
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
