I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
