i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
