Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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