No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
