Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
