pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
