I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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