listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
