There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
how does that bad decision feel?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
