I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
