you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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