oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
