Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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