My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
