I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
