Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
