my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
