The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
