No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
