Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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