You work out of a Hotel?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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