after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
