i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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