I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize