ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
