Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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