I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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