dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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