You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
