she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
