so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
