your parents love me but you hate me
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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