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I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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