dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
