I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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