It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize