Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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