He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
