Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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