If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
