those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize