Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
