Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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